I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
