Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
