So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She bit a glass in half.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
