The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just want to make out with him forever
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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