Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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