dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
