It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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