dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
