worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
