Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
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