Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
