I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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