i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
