he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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