Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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