Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize