Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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