all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
