so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
