sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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