I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
