Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
