My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The adults are the big ones right?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
