this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I believe in your delicious
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
