Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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