im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
