Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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