Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
birth control should be required to get into college
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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