I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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