why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
