Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
