dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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