plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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