those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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