I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
