I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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