im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
