Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
