Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
