Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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