Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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