He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
