Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
