it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
