wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
