before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just gift wrapped bread.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
