just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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