I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
