I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
sarcasm needs its own font
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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