garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
