well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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