I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
