Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
