i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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