I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
