I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
