New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
